As far as I know, all Russian schoolchildren are taught English - from what I'm told, it's the only mandatory second language. English is not absent in Vladimir - menus at especially trendy cafes are often in both Russian and English and the radio is full of English-language hits.

But that's about it. Movies and TV shows are always over-dubbed and English-language periodicals are non-existent. The latter is even true in Moscow. Last time I was there, I checked every stall at the train station for anything in English - I would have killed for a copy of Metallurgy Digest - but found nothing.

And as N recently pointed out, a surprising number of people either don't speak English or will balk at using the English they've learned. So I wasn't shocked so much as curious when I saw a girl the other day, maybe 12 years old, wearing a pink t-shirt with glitter and pastels which read "Damn, I'm good in bed."

To an outsider this might seem sad or pitiful, but it has to be considered in the context of how English here is used.

English is a fashion statement. It shows you're modern, cosmopolitan, connected. It's a status symbol. Accordingly, shirts here are stenciled, plastered, splattered with English print. A typical example: today I was in a higher-end clothes store and saw a baby blue t-shirt with white schematics in the background and black lettering on top which read "Airplanes" and below "science and technologies."

Most common are collared shirts with blocks of text across the front, which look like someone left a wet copy of the New York Times on them.

Just like it's cool to get some Asian character tattooed on your neck or pelvis or whatever, it's cool to have a Latinate alphabet on your clothes.

As in the case above, this can lead to some pitiful (or hilarious, depending on your perspective) results.

Usually it's minor spelling and grammar mistakes:

(popular t-shirt around town)
-Because my sins is F5 jeans

(spotted on a bus to Suzdal):
-Montreal: for the diescerning, imdependent and freespirited men

(for sale at our city stadium):
-F.C. Torpedo Vladimir - To be a winners!

(purchased at a bazaar in Bishkek):


In the most extreme example I've heard of, a fellow traveler in Bishkek reported seeing a young lady wearing a t-shirt which declared her preference for well-proportioned, dark-skinned men in only five words.*

In my seventh grade math class there was an off-the-boater from Taiwan. He was the class whiz, but for months he wore white shoes with an unmistakable logo stenciled above the word "Playboy." He or his parents probably came to the understandable conclusion, that these were shoes for a 12 year old boy to run around in, to play in. When other students in the class told him what it stood for he was crushed, started crying and left class.

Sometimes, when I see these t-shirts, I think I should say something - not the fashion police, but a fashion vigilante. On the one hand, my Taiwanese classmate was probably done a favor before he hit high school.

On the other hand, how does a foreigner explain to a Russian 12 year old that her shirt is inappropriately salacious? How do you explain to the man sitting in front of you on the bus that his shirt is full of spelling mistakes? How do you open that conversation?

How do you explain to a 40-something female attendee at a Russian motocross rally that her t-shirt is both poorly written and overtly misogynistic?




*Stop counting on your fingers, perv!